Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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