this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
