i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
