he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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