Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
