literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
