Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
