If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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