no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
