Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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