I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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