I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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