If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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