I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we made out on top of his cat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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