dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
