no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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