Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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