I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
