ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
