Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
