Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
