Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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