im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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