I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
