he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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