So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
