please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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