So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
