I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
