so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.