Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.