you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?