just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful