better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
