There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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