I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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