she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
