we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
