Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
