Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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