I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
