Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
