Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
