Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
