All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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