my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
