Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
