I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
