We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
