Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your penis caused this!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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