$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
