some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
