I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
