Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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