OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
