just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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