Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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