Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
