jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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