Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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