Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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