You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
