Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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