and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
