1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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