Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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