I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
