I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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