im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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