happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
