So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
