Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
