Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
