Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
